Lawrencium (Hot Blooded - Foreigner)

(I don't know what possessed me to write about the chemical element Lawrencium attempting to romance a lab tech, but I do so enjoy singing it in the supermarket. Bonus mini-parody of the Beatles' Revolution: "You say you want an eka-luteium...")


Well, I'm Lawrencium, check it and see

Atomic number of a hundred and three

Come on lab tech, do you do more than dance?

I'm Lawrencium, I'm Lawrencium


You don't have to read a guide, you know I'm an actinide

Honey your white coat's drab

Now you can decide, let our particles collide

You look fab; let's spend the night outside the lab


Use the microscope; we can make a stable isotope

Just use the scope, and I'll decay like you have only hoped


Because Lawrencium decays really quick

Atomic weight of two hundred sixty six

Come on lab tech, do you do more than dance?

I'm Lawrencium, I'm Lawrencium (LR)


Please don't turn your back, let's get away from here and not come back. oh

Before we pack, we need approval from the IUPAC


Well, I'm Lawrencium, check it and see

Atomic number of a hundred and three

Come on lab tech, do you do more than dance?

I'm Lawrencium, I'm Lawrencium


Lawrencium, my symbol's Lr

Lawrencium, we could go very far

Lawrencium, you're setting me free

Lawrencium, with your chemistry

Pi r squared (Hip to be Square - Huey Lewis and the News)

I used to be a renegade, I used to guesstimate

But I couldn't tell if I was right; I couldn't validate

Now I'm using formulae, and my results, I'll share

You might think it's harder, but I say that's unfair

Determining circumferences,


Just use pi r squared


I like my math with variables, I like geometry

I measure angles every day in trigonometry

They tell me that it's difficult, but this I do declare:

If you want to measure circles, you have to be aware

for there is no denying that you


Must use pi r squared


It's not too hard to figure out, you use math every day

And those who choose to estimate are all in disarray

You see them doing homework, they're struggling to survive

Without my favorite constant, three point one four one five

Don't tell me that it's useless, Don't tell me you don't care

Take it from me


Just use pi r squared


Here, there, and everywhere

Pi r, Just use pi r squared

Here, there, and everywhere

Claymation (Vacation - The Go-Go's)

Can't seem to get my mind off of you

Back here at home with nothing to do

I thought I would play

I found some clay

Tomorrow I start a new filmmaking venture


When I saw Sledgehammer, I should have run

But I thought Gumby was such fun

I see, I was wrong

And it takes so long

I should have known all along this would be awful


A week for thirty

seconds of tape

Two weeks for sixty and my

Actors won't stay in the right shape


Claymation, all I ever wanted

Claymation, using up old clay

Claymation, something to pass the time


Claymation, all I never wanted

Claymation, nightmares made of clay

Claymation, wasting all my spare time


Three weeks of filming

I want to scream

Four weeks go by me and I

Still haven't finished even one scene


Claymation, all I never wanted

Claymation, nightmares made of clay

Claymation, wasting all my spare time

Materia Girl (Material Girl - Madonna)

(Because every Madonna song can be improved with the addition of Yuffie Kisaragi from Final Fantasy VII. Having not played the game in over ten years, it's weird how much random information about it is still stored in my brain.)

Players want me

Players seek me

But to their dismay,

If they don't give experience then

I just run away


They can't take their eyes off me

I'll steal then run quite far (quite far)

Only boys with the strong attacks

Can fill my Limit bar


'Cause we are living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl

You know that we are living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl


Orbs on hand

can add Commands

Manipulate and Throw

If they can't raise my level then I

Have to let them go


Some are dumb and some can summon

Giant Chocobos (oh no)

But the boys who save their gil can

Cure my Wutai woes


'Cause we're living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl

You know that we are living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl

Living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl

You know that we are living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl

Living in a Materia world (Materia)

Living in a Materia world

Living in a Materia world (Materia)

Living in a Materia world


Bosses come and bosses go

My father's number five

Experience has made me strong

And now I'm gonna thrive


'Cause everybody's living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl

Yummy Brains (Morning Train - Sheena Easton)

(The Walking Dead, from the point of view of a romantic zombie. Yes, I know they're called "walkers," but "zombies" works better in the song. And that they don't eat brains. Creative license.)


I wake up every morning, I stumble out of bed

Shuffling and a’ moaning, just like the walking dead

It seems to take forever and people always hide

‘Til they look at the flowers, then they start to die


Cause the moment that we bite them, the virus starts to kill

The moment that we bite them, everything’s a thrill

Nighttime at the prison, push the wall

Then to Alexandria, swarm it all


My zombie eats the yummy brain

Bites the Atlanta Five and then

He brings the others home again

And we eat Carol’s cookies


He takes me to Woodbury or to Terminus

To the Talking Dead set, so we can chew on Chris

Always when we meet them, I take a bite

Only when we eat them, makes me feel alright


My zombie eats the yummy brain

Bites the Atlanta Five and then

He brings the others home again

And we wear Eugene's mullet


All day they’re hunting us, shooting at us constantly

I’m biting Bob for him and he’s biting Dale for me

When he gives me a brain, I don’t ask where its from

We’ll eat a friend so we don’t end up "In Memoriam"


My zombie eats the yummy brain

Bites the Atlanta Five and then

He brings the others home again

And we share Carol’s cookies

Land Before Time (Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper)

(The story of the first - and best - Land Before Time movie.)


Playing with my friend, I chase a hopper into a pond

Caught by a sharptooth, now my mom will not respond

Earthshake, Cera

Families left behind

Tree stars and memories,

Great Valley


You could have come with me; I'm walking alone instead

You find a sharptooth and you think that he is dead

But you're wrong, he wakes, you run to me

and Petrie and Ducky


You were scared, you show off, and then we find Spike

Land Before Time

Petrie can't fly and Ducky says "yup, yup, yup"

Land Before Time


We get lost, Petrie looks, and he smells Ducky

Land Before Time

Past the longneck-shaped rock, and the mountains on fire

Land Before Time


After the sharptooth dies and Petrie has learned to fly

Following clouds shaped like my mom up in the sky

Tree stars far as the eye can see

Great Valley, you and me


If you're lost we can go to the Great Valley

Land Before Time

No more sharptooths to catch you, tree stars are waiting

Land Before Time

Rick Will Survive - I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)

(I imagine this as The Walking Dead's Rick Grimes telling his story to Jessie. And realizing he should be with Michonne. Just pointing out that I wrote this before Richonne happened.)

At first I was asleep, I was comatose

And then the dead came back to life and they were gross

Then I spent so many nights killing walkers with remorse

Lost my horse, but the tank was reinforced

and now I'm back; Glenn saved my life

I just arrived at camp to find my friend's been sleeping with my wife

I should have killed him right away, I should have shot him in the head

If I had known for just one second he'd come back from the dead


My wife died, I went insane

a walker ate her, and so I shot it in the brain

 Disease swept through but we came out of it alright

the prison crumbled, then we killed the Termites

Oh no, but I don't trust that priest;

as long as we destroy the brain I know they'll stay deceased

I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give

and I'll survive I will survive


It took all the strength I had to save this place we're in

kept trying hard to kiss the pretty Alexandrian

and then I had a crazy night and shot her husband by myself

The walls fell but I handled it quite well

and you see me somebody new

I'm not that bearded little psycho

still in love with you

So you and both your kids just died while we were walking through the horde

Now I'm saving all my loving for a woman with a sword

Bad Case of Loving Who (Bad Case of Loving You - Robert Palmer)

The Galifreyan silence fell like a net

I've got to find my TARDIS yet

I need you to soothe my head

Turn my two hearts to red


Doctor, doctor, give me the news

I've got a bad case of lovin' Who

Won't die, wearing my bowtie

I've got a Bad Wolf; it's after you


A metal face that says "exterminate"

It's time travel; we don't have to wait

You think I'm cute, you like my fez

Or so Mr. Saxon says


Doctor, doctor, give me the news

I've got a bad case of lovin' Who

Don't blink, give me time to think

I've got a Bad Wolf; it's after you


I know you like it, you like it in space

Tell me, do you like my change of face?


So alonz-y; let's take a trip

River's lipstick on your lip

Sonics don't work on wood

It's bigger inside; and I've got it good


Doctor, doctor, give me the news

I've got a bad case of lovin' Who

Won't be bored, I'm the last Time Lord

I've got a bad case of lovin' Who