Pleistocene (Dancing Queen - ABBA)

Ooh

Moa birds

Mastodons

Bear dogs and diprotodons

Ooh, get in your

time machine

Go to the Pleistocene

　

Land is covered in ice and snow

Eleven thousand years ago

Ancient humans like Lucy

Giant ground sloths, too

and giant kangaroos

Don't get trapped in the sticky tar

The animals here are quite bizarre

Bears that have short faces

Gophers that have horns

History leaps off the page

here in the last ice age

　

This is the Pleistocene

Comes right af-

ter the Pliocene

Pleistocene

Giant beasts roam around the scene, oh yeah

Saber-toothed

Smilodons

Dire wolves and glyptodons

Ooh, right before

Holocene

This is the Pleistocene

　

Megafauna was strange, no doubt

but soon enough they all died out

Maybe it was hunting

maybe climate change

History leaps off the page

here in the last ice age

Cold Blooded (Cold Hearted - Paula Abdul)

He's a cold blooded snake, can't thermoregulate

Oh oh, he'll just sit and wait

For his prey to come along, and then he'll use his fangs

Oh to pump, venom in their veins, oh

　

You're the one turnin' up the heat, anytime he needs it

But you turn it down and then he's off and sunnin' in the road

You're the one with mice to eat, anything to feed him

Do you really think he wants to snuggle? He's just cold.

　

He's a cold blooded snake, can't thermoregulate

Oh oh, he'll just sit and wait

For his prey to come along, and then he'll use his fangs

Oh to pump, venom in their veins, oh

　

It was only yesterday, he was out there slith'rin'

Then he met a python and his loyalty began to stray

All the world's a heating lamp, he's been sunning with her an'

When it comes to hunting, pythons take his breath away

　

He's a cold blooded snake, can't thermoregulate

Oh oh, he'll just sit and wait

For his prey to come along, and then he'll use his fangs

Oh to pump, venom in their veins, oh

　

You could find a pet that's better, girl, he's an ectothermic guy

You deserve a fuzzy puppy, girl, he's c-cold as ice

Cold as ice, he's cold as ice, he's cold as ice

Stay away from him, girl

　

C-c-cold blooded

C-c-cold blooded snake

C-c-cold blooded

C-c-cold blooded snake

　

He's a cold blooded snake, can't thermoregulate

Oh oh, he'll just sit and wait

For his prey to come along, and then he'll use his fangs

Oh to pump, venom in their veins, oh

　

He's got milky eyes, know what that implies

Gonna shed his skin, girl, don't let him win

　

He's a cold blooded snake, can't thermoregulate

Oh oh, he'll just sit and wait

For his prey to come along, and then he'll use his fangs

Oh to pump, venom in their veins, oh

　

He's a cold blooded snake, can't thermoregulate

Oh oh, he'll just sit and wait

For his prey to come along

Krypton Girl (Uptown Girl - Billy Joel)

(Yes, I am a nerd. I think we've established that by now. And I am a nerd who is really excited for the new season of Supergirl and who thinks Kara and Winn are adorable together. I'm not incredibly proud of some of the rhymes, but I got a rhyme for "Phantom Zone" that totally fits with the story so... I'm pleased.)


Krypton girl

She'd been living in her red sun world

And then destruction of her world began

and she was sent to care for Superman

　

That was the plan. But now he's all grown

'Cause she was stuck inside the Phantom Zone

She crashed on Earth, a normal life began,

And now she's working with an Earthling man

That's what I am

　

And she gets coffee and food for Cat Grant

Her sister was forced to kill Kara's aunt

　

She'll see I'm not so tough

Just because

I'm in love with a Krypton girl

You know I've seen her fly; she spins and twirls

She's getting sick of fighting Maxwell Lord

And all the aliens Fort Rozz once stored

She's getting bored

　

Krypton girl

You know I love it when her cape unfurls

If Jimmy Olsen's dating Lucy, then

She'll understand what kind of guy I've been

And then I'll Winn

　

And when she's flying

She's looking so fine

And I'm just sighing

I hope she'll be mine

　

She'll say I'm not so tough

Just because

I'm in love

With a Supergirl

She'd been living in her red sun world

As long as anyone from Krypton can

And now she's looking for an Earthling man

That's what I am

Byronic (Ironic - Alanis Morissette)

A poet turned thirty-six

He fought an army, and died the next day

It's a rabid dog who's passing away

It's a deformity; a foot with a crick

Isn't it Byronic, don't you think



It's inspiring Prometheus Unbound

It's a pet bear when they don't allow hounds

It's waking up, being suddenly renowned

Who would've thought, it figures



Mr. Don Juan was not afraid to fly

He packed his suitcase and kissed Ada good-bye

She spent her whole damn life on numbers and code

She died at thirty-six and thought

"Well, that's not that old."

And isn't it Byronic, don't you think



It's walking in beauty, just like the night

It's all that's best of dark and light

It's your cousin's wife mellowed in tender light

Who would've thought, it figures



Well, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

When you think everything's okay and everything's going right

And life has a funny way of helping you out when

You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up

In your face



A Maid of Athens stealing your heart

A Romantic movement, but ere we must part

It's like an epitaph to a dog you once had

It's meeting the girl of your dreams

And then learning you've got the same dad

And isn't it Byronic, don't you think

A little too Byronic, and yeah I really do think



It's walking in beauty, just like the night

It's all that's best of dark and light

It's your cousin's wife mellowed in tender light

So we'll go no more a roving



Well, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

And life has a funny way of helping you out

Helping you out.

Stuck in the TARDIS with You (Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheel)

(disclaimer: I don't know offhand if the Doctor was ever in danger of destroying ancient Rome. I needed the rhyme)


Well I don't know why I came here tonight,

I got the feeling that something ain't right,

I'm so scared that we'll get lost out in space,

And I'm wondering where you got that new face,

Oods to the left of me,

Daleks to the right, here I am,

Stuck in the TARDIS with you

　

Yes I'm stuck in the TARDIS with you,

And I'm wondering what it is I should do,

It's so hard to keep these secrets I know,

and I'm longing for some real Christmas snow,

Boe to the left of me, angels to the right,

Here I am, stuck in the TARDIS with you

　

Well you started out on Gallifrey,

you're sad that you're the last Time Lord,

Your assistants and companions

follow you through space and time

Allons-y, Allons-y

　

Trying to make some sense of it all,

But I can see that it makes no sense at all,

It's much bigger inside your police box,

and I want to cause a bad paradox

Cats to the left of me, Silence to the right,

Here I am, stuck in the TARDIS with you

　

Well you started out on Gallifrey

You stopped the Time War by yourself

And your friends, they're counting shadows,

You regenerate and say,

Allons-y, allons-y

　

Well I don't know why we came to the moon,

I got the feeling it's gonna hatch soon,

I'm so scared that we'll destroy ancient Rome,

And I'm wondering how I'll ever get home,

Veils to the left of me,

Sky fish to the right, here I am,

Stuck in the TARDIS with you,

Yes I'm stuck in the TARDIS with you,

Stuck in the TARDIS with you, here I am stuck in the TARDIS with you

Opportunities (Let's Kill Adolf Hitler) (Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money) - Pet Shop Boys)

(I'm not generally the biggest fan of the Eleventh Doctor, but I quite enjoyed the episode Let's Kill Hitler, and Mels' line "You've got a time machine, I've got a gun; let's kill Hitler" had me humming Pet Shop Boys all day. Yes, I know, I'm a total nerd.)


I've got a gun, you've got a box

Let's kill Adolf Hitler

You've got a TARDIS, I've got a gun

Let's kill Adolf


I've had enough of scheming and messing around with jerks

My car is in a field, I'm afraid it doesn't work

I'm looking for a Doctor, to kill him is my aim

I'll answer your question, if you'll tell me your name


I've got a gun, you've got a box

Let's kill Adolf Hitler

You've got a TARDIS, I've got a gun

Let's kill Adolf Hitler


You can tell I'm educated, the Silence trained me well

An archaeologist, I'm locked up in a cell

I can handle any sonic, choose the perfect time

If you've got the police box, I have got the crime


Oh, there's a lot of opportunities

If you know when to take them, you know?

There's a lot of opportunities

If there aren't, you can make them

Make or break them


I've got a gun, you've got a box

Let's kill Adolf Hitler

Let's kill Adolf

Hitler


Now you're poisoned by my lipstick, from the Judas trees

I'll sacrifice my lives, now let's synch our diaries

I'm looking for a Doctor, regardless of how long

it takes. I'll marry him, because I'm River Song


Let's

(Got a gun)

Kill

(Got a TARDIS)

Let's kill Adolf Hitler

(Ooh Hitler)

(Let's)

You've got a box

(Kill)


I've got a gun

Let's kill Adolf Hitler

(Ooh Hitler)

I've got a gun

(Got a gun)

You've got a box

(Got a box)

Let's kill Adolf Hitler

(Ooh Hitler)

Hitler

Making Radium (On the Radio - Donna Summer)

(Because, many historical anachronisms notwithstanding, I like to believe that Marie and Pierre Curie celebrated their Nobel Prize in Physics with a Donna Summer dance party. And yes, I know the prize wasn't technically for making radium, but more for the discovery of and work with radiation and that the Radium Girls weren't happening around that time. Don't think I don't care and obsess over scientific accuracy; I do, but sometimes a little bit of inaccuracy fits the song better.)


Someone won the Nobel Prize for making radium

And they'll get a medal made of gold

They must have overlooked my contributions and experiments

They said the laureates

were Pierre and Becquerel


Whoa You were mad, complained to them, and so they added me

Now I'll get a Nobel medal too

We can't go there in person; we're too busy working here in Pare-ee

But they're celebrating us, in Sweden for


making Radium

Whoa, oh, oh

making Radium

Whoa oh oh oh

making Radium

Whoa, oh, oh

making Radium

Whoa, oh, oh


Now, now

Don't it kinda strike you sad when you hear our work

is being used to make all the watch faces glow

The girls who paint them ingest the radium, and they get sick

It causes pain and anemia, death and woe


Whoa, oh, yeah, yeah

And it made me feel proud when I heard you say

You couldn't find the elements by yourself

And now in my heart I know radiation's making me sick

But they're celebrating us, in Sweden for


making Radium

Whoa, oh, oh

making Radium

Whoa, oh, oh

making Radium

Whoa, oh, oh

making Radium

Whoa oh oh

making Radium


If you think that love can't be found making radium

Well come right in you may find an isotope

'Cause now I'm sitting here with my daughter and her Nobel Prize

They're celebrating us, in Sweden for


making Radium

Whoa, oh, oh

making Radium

Whoa, oh, oh

making Radium

Whoa, oh, oh

making Radium

Whoa oh oh

making Radium  

Last Sunday Night (Last Friday Night - Katy Perry)

(spoilers for The Walking Dead season 6 finale.)


90 minute Walking Dead

Lucille bashing in a head

Blood is all over the lens

Many people think it's Glenn's

Eeny Meeny Moe

This is such a violent show

Family lined up on their knees

This finale didn't please


Pictures of last week analyzed online to death

Oh well

It's a cliffhanger and it made me hold my breath

Damn


Last Sunday night

Carol's injured like we thought

Morgan finally took some shots

Watched his pretty pony trot


Last Sunday night

Yeah they tried a lot of roads

And their confidence erodes

During this whole episode


Last Sunday night

One of their skulls has been marked

Monologuing in the dark

Kind of loving Negan's snark


Last Sunday night

Yeah I think he broke a skull

But at least it wasn't dull-ull

ooh-ohh


This Sunday night

Fear The Walking Dead

This Sunday night

Fear The Walking Dead


Can't wait for the big reveal

Have to know who met Lucille

Point of view from in the truck

Enid's in a closet, stuck

Eugene got captured again

Father Gabe's a trusted friend?

Walkers chained up in a row

Maggie's sick; we got to go
(repeat ad infinitum)

Supreme Court Justices (Is She Really Going Out with Him - Joe Jackson)

(So, with Justice Scalia's passing, the chorus of this song is out of date, but this is how I memorized the Supreme Court Justices in order of appointment. Yes, I'm a huge nerd. You should hear me sing the moons of Jupiter to the tune of Drops of Jupiter. Not even kidding.)



Pretty plaintiffs out walking with attorneys down First Street

We're in session; got the Constitution to uphold

Look over there

(Where?)

There, there's a Justice that we used to know

She's got a Medal of Freedom now or so we're told


There's Scalia and there's Kennedy,

And there's Thomas and there's Ruth Bader Ginsburg,

And there's Breyer, Roberts, Alito,

And then there's Sotomayor,

And finally there's Supreme Court Justice Kagen


Tonight's the night we deliver the decisions on First street

I wear my robe and I kid myself, I look real smooth

Look over there

(Where?)

There goes O'Connor with her new law clerk

They say your votes don't count for much

And so there goes your proof


There's Scalia and there's Kennedy,

And there's Thomas and there's Ruth Bader Ginsburg,

And there's Breyer, Roberts, Alito,

And then there's Sotomayor,

And finally there's Supreme Court Justice Kagen

Kagen


But if "nays" could kill

There's a bill there that is marked down as dead

'Cause I've had my fill

Listen you, take the plea from her head

Because we nine are very fine

Hey, hey, hey


There's Scalia and there's Kennedy,

And there's Thomas and there's Ruth Bader Ginsburg,

And there's Breyer, Roberts, Alito,

And then there's Sotomayor,

And finally there's Supreme Court Justice Kagen

Kagen

Supreme Court Justice Kagen

Supreme Court Justice Kagen

Supreme Court Justice Kagen

Supreme Court Justice Kagen

Agrabah (Africa - Toto)

(Fun fact: This was almost a Star Wars parody named "Dagobah.")


I hear Abu chattering tonight

But she hears only whispers of archaic old traditions

We'll take a midnight carpet flight

I've made a wish to be a prince via magical transitions

I found a genie along the way

Hoping to find a lamp for an old man who was Jafar in disguise

He turned to me as if to say, "Hurry Al, she's waiting there for you"


It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you

There's nothing that a bad guy named Jafar could ever do

I bless the sands down in Agrabah

Gonna take some time to show the girl a whole new world


Iago schemes all through the night

As he grows greedy, longing for some power in his feathered hands

I know that I must do what's right

As sure as the Cave of Wonders rises like a tiger above the Agrabah sands

The lamp was hidden deep inside, among gold and jewels and treasure hoards


It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

There's nothing that a bad guy named Jafar could ever do

I bless the sands down in Agrabah

Gonna take some time to show the girl a whole new world


Hurry Al, she's waiting there for you


It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

There's nothing that a bad guy named Jafar could ever do

I bless the sands down in Agrabah

I bless the sands down in Agrabah

(I bless the sands )

I bless the sands down in Agrabah

(I bless the sands

I bless the sands down in Agrabah

I bless the sands down in Agrabah

(Ah, gonna take the time)

Gonna take some time to free the genie from his lamp

With a Girl Named River (Proud Mary - Credence Clearwater Revival)

(Because I'm still mad they cancelled it, here's the plot to the pilot episode of Firefly. I could have made some better rhymes by making references to other episodes, but I really wanted to keep it to the pilot.)


Left a good job back on Shadow

Fought 'gainst the Alliance in Serenity

And I never lost one minute of sleepin'

Worryin' 'bout the Earth that used to be


We'll rule over this land,

and we will call it This Land

Fleeing, fleeing, with a girl named River


Stole a lot of crates for Badger

then tried to unload them on Persephone

Badger wouldn't buy them, so we'll go to Whitefall

and sell 'em all to Patience; yes, she once shot me


Dobson stopped our flyin'

With him, we're not complyin'

Opened, that crate, met a girl named River

Opened, that crate, met a girl named River


Almost got caught by some Reavers

after we unloaded Badger's stolen hoard,

then pilot Hoban Washburne pulled a Crazy Ivan

and we escaped with River and Simon on board


You can't take the sky, an'

Serenity's still flyin'

Flyin', flyin', with a girl named River

Flyin', flyin', with a girl named River


Flyin', flyin', with a girl named River

Flyin', flyin', with a girl named River

Flyin', flyin', with a girl named River

Lawrencium (Hot Blooded - Foreigner)

(I don't know what possessed me to write about the chemical element Lawrencium attempting to romance a lab tech, but I do so enjoy singing it in the supermarket. Bonus mini-parody of the Beatles' Revolution: "You say you want an eka-luteium...")


Well, I'm Lawrencium, check it and see

Atomic number of a hundred and three

Come on lab tech, do you do more than dance?

I'm Lawrencium, I'm Lawrencium


You don't have to read a guide, you know I'm an actinide

Honey your white coat's drab

Now you can decide, let our particles collide

You look fab; let's spend the night outside the lab


Use the microscope; we can make a stable isotope

Just use the scope, and I'll decay like you have only hoped


Because Lawrencium decays really quick

Atomic weight of two hundred sixty six

Come on lab tech, do you do more than dance?

I'm Lawrencium, I'm Lawrencium (LR)


Please don't turn your back, let's get away from here and not come back. oh

Before we pack, we need approval from the IUPAC


Well, I'm Lawrencium, check it and see

Atomic number of a hundred and three

Come on lab tech, do you do more than dance?

I'm Lawrencium, I'm Lawrencium


Lawrencium, my symbol's Lr

Lawrencium, we could go very far

Lawrencium, you're setting me free

Lawrencium, with your chemistry

Pi r squared (Hip to be Square - Huey Lewis and the News)

I used to be a renegade, I used to guesstimate

But I couldn't tell if I was right; I couldn't validate

Now I'm using formulae, and my results, I'll share

You might think it's harder, but I say that's unfair

Determining circumferences,


Just use pi r squared


I like my math with variables, I like geometry

I measure angles every day in trigonometry

They tell me that it's difficult, but this I do declare:

If you want to measure circles, you have to be aware

for there is no denying that you


Must use pi r squared


It's not too hard to figure out, you use math every day

And those who choose to estimate are all in disarray

You see them doing homework, they're struggling to survive

Without my favorite constant, three point one four one five

Don't tell me that it's useless, Don't tell me you don't care

Take it from me


Just use pi r squared


Here, there, and everywhere

Pi r, Just use pi r squared

Here, there, and everywhere

Claymation (Vacation - The Go-Go's)

Can't seem to get my mind off of you

Back here at home with nothing to do

I thought I would play

I found some clay

Tomorrow I start a new filmmaking venture


When I saw Sledgehammer, I should have run

But I thought Gumby was such fun

I see, I was wrong

And it takes so long

I should have known all along this would be awful


A week for thirty

seconds of tape

Two weeks for sixty and my

Actors won't stay in the right shape


Claymation, all I ever wanted

Claymation, using up old clay

Claymation, something to pass the time


Claymation, all I never wanted

Claymation, nightmares made of clay

Claymation, wasting all my spare time


Three weeks of filming

I want to scream

Four weeks go by me and I

Still haven't finished even one scene


Claymation, all I never wanted

Claymation, nightmares made of clay

Claymation, wasting all my spare time

Materia Girl (Material Girl - Madonna)

(Because every Madonna song can be improved with the addition of Yuffie Kisaragi from Final Fantasy VII. Having not played the game in over ten years, it's weird how much random information about it is still stored in my brain.)

Players want me

Players seek me

But to their dismay,

If they don't give experience then

I just run away


They can't take their eyes off me

I'll steal then run quite far (quite far)

Only boys with the strong attacks

Can fill my Limit bar


'Cause we are living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl

You know that we are living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl


Orbs on hand

can add Commands

Manipulate and Throw

If they can't raise my level then I

Have to let them go


Some are dumb and some can summon

Giant Chocobos (oh no)

But the boys who save their gil can

Cure my Wutai woes


'Cause we're living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl

You know that we are living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl

Living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl

You know that we are living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl

Living in a Materia world (Materia)

Living in a Materia world

Living in a Materia world (Materia)

Living in a Materia world


Bosses come and bosses go

My father's number five

Experience has made me strong

And now I'm gonna thrive


'Cause everybody's living in a Materia world

And I am a Materia girl

Yummy Brains (Morning Train - Sheena Easton)

(The Walking Dead, from the point of view of a romantic zombie. Yes, I know they're called "walkers," but "zombies" works better in the song. And that they don't eat brains. Creative license.)


I wake up every morning, I stumble out of bed

Shuffling and a’ moaning, just like the walking dead

It seems to take forever and people always hide

‘Til they look at the flowers, then they start to die


Cause the moment that we bite them, the virus starts to kill

The moment that we bite them, everything’s a thrill

Nighttime at the prison, push the wall

Then to Alexandria, swarm it all


My zombie eats the yummy brain

Bites the Atlanta Five and then

He brings the others home again

And we eat Carol’s cookies


He takes me to Woodbury or to Terminus

To the Talking Dead set, so we can chew on Chris

Always when we meet them, I take a bite

Only when we eat them, makes me feel alright


My zombie eats the yummy brain

Bites the Atlanta Five and then

He brings the others home again

And we wear Eugene's mullet


All day they’re hunting us, shooting at us constantly

I’m biting Bob for him and he’s biting Dale for me

When he gives me a brain, I don’t ask where its from

We’ll eat a friend so we don’t end up "In Memoriam"


My zombie eats the yummy brain

Bites the Atlanta Five and then

He brings the others home again

And we share Carol’s cookies

Land Before Time (Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper)

(The story of the first - and best - Land Before Time movie.)


Playing with my friend, I chase a hopper into a pond

Caught by a sharptooth, now my mom will not respond

Earthshake, Cera

Families left behind

Tree stars and memories,

Great Valley


You could have come with me; I'm walking alone instead

You find a sharptooth and you think that he is dead

But you're wrong, he wakes, you run to me

and Petrie and Ducky


You were scared, you show off, and then we find Spike

Land Before Time

Petrie can't fly and Ducky says "yup, yup, yup"

Land Before Time


We get lost, Petrie looks, and he smells Ducky

Land Before Time

Past the longneck-shaped rock, and the mountains on fire

Land Before Time


After the sharptooth dies and Petrie has learned to fly

Following clouds shaped like my mom up in the sky

Tree stars far as the eye can see

Great Valley, you and me


If you're lost we can go to the Great Valley

Land Before Time

No more sharptooths to catch you, tree stars are waiting

Land Before Time

Rick Will Survive - I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)

(I imagine this as The Walking Dead's Rick Grimes telling his story to Jessie. And realizing he should be with Michonne. Just pointing out that I wrote this before Richonne happened.)

At first I was asleep, I was comatose

And then the dead came back to life and they were gross

Then I spent so many nights killing walkers with remorse

Lost my horse, but the tank was reinforced

and now I'm back; Glenn saved my life

I just arrived at camp to find my friend's been sleeping with my wife

I should have killed him right away, I should have shot him in the head

If I had known for just one second he'd come back from the dead


My wife died, I went insane

a walker ate her, and so I shot it in the brain

 Disease swept through but we came out of it alright

the prison crumbled, then we killed the Termites

Oh no, but I don't trust that priest;

as long as we destroy the brain I know they'll stay deceased

I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give

and I'll survive I will survive


It took all the strength I had to save this place we're in

kept trying hard to kiss the pretty Alexandrian

and then I had a crazy night and shot her husband by myself

The walls fell but I handled it quite well

and you see me somebody new

I'm not that bearded little psycho

still in love with you

So you and both your kids just died while we were walking through the horde

Now I'm saving all my loving for a woman with a sword

Bad Case of Loving Who (Bad Case of Loving You - Robert Palmer)

The Galifreyan silence fell like a net

I've got to find my TARDIS yet

I need you to soothe my head

Turn my two hearts to red


Doctor, doctor, give me the news

I've got a bad case of lovin' Who

Won't die, wearing my bowtie

I've got a Bad Wolf; it's after you


A metal face that says "exterminate"

It's time travel; we don't have to wait

You think I'm cute, you like my fez

Or so Mr. Saxon says


Doctor, doctor, give me the news

I've got a bad case of lovin' Who

Don't blink, give me time to think

I've got a Bad Wolf; it's after you


I know you like it, you like it in space

Tell me, do you like my change of face?


So alonz-y; let's take a trip

River's lipstick on your lip

Sonics don't work on wood

It's bigger inside; and I've got it good


Doctor, doctor, give me the news

I've got a bad case of lovin' Who

Won't be bored, I'm the last Time Lord

I've got a bad case of lovin' Who